Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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