This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
