Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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