nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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