girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize