just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
