if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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