This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
