i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
