When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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