I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
