okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
