why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize