2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize