I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
