Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
