Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
