and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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