at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
