the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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