We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
