Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
