just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
