Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
