You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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