so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
