Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
