how can u be prego again
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
