We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
