I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
