If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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