I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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