I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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