Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
