New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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