yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
