hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
