8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
