when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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