we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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