I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize