I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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