I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
