It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
