She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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