I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize