Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
