Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
These tits shall not be calmed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
