Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
