thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
