There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
