So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
