I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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