Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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