well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
