he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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