Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
