Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
