after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
