What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
