There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
