I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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