DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I will be naked everywhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
