He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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