he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They are going to name an STD after you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize