I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
