I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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