After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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