I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize