I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the condom got lost in my hair
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
