From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
