Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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