I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
