That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize