Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we're making bets on your personal life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
