We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this will be a night to untag.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
